Feeling Full

Goodnight or good morning? It's about 2AM and I have totally turned my hours. Sleep during the morning/day and up all night.

I am doing my laundry now since someone stole my time yesterday. I am happy to get some clean sheets and clothes today.

I feel at the moment pretty ok, I just started a new course in school so I hope it will keep my occupied!
My old roommate Sara is going to stay over tomorrow and the day after. It really has been a long time since we last hanged out. I am happy to see her, it is going to be fun. Like a mini reunion…

Anyhow, I am going back to Stockholm during this weekend. It's going to be fun to be with the family. My sisters friend also has her birthday so we are going to this Full Moon Party on friday. I have always wanted to go to this UV-colour body paint party so it is hopefully going to be fun. It's also going to be my first day out as single. I have mostly been at home for a month so it's time to get myself together and live my life.

Break the Rules

It difficult to move on, everyone is different. 

I have decided to forget about him until he contacts me again then I'll have to see how I feel then. 

I need to focus. I can't trow away my life entirely, I still have a family who cares about me and my future. I want to live, I want to experience life, I want to feel alive again. 

This songs implies how I feel about everything right now. I am totally gone to "live without boundaries". Forget everything and just YOLO! 

Broken

Looking back at my recent Q/A blog post makes deeply sad. I was so happy. What happened?

About a month ago my boyfriend and I agreed to go separate ways, because we couldn't take the long distance and the jealousy. I've never felt such regret in my life. How could this happen… We were together almost 16months. I seriously regret not taking things serious when it was needed. I just thought it wasn't such a big deal and pretended that everything was ok…When I realized it was a huge problem it was too late. I reacted to slow, I really thought we would be good again and that I learned a lesson for putting problems aside. However, it might be a lesson for life.

How did our love end? Or is it still there? I am still terribly confused.
I just wished we were back together, back to when we were happy and didn't care. Falling in love and having fun. Building new memories and just living the moment.

He's still not speaking with me right now, it breaks my heart over and over the more he pushes me away. We literally used to talk everyday on fb or Skype. I've tried to talk to him but he has already set his mind on being single.

"I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making him my life, depending on him, wasting my time on him, thinking about him, forgiving him, wishing for him, dreaming of him, but most of all, for not hating him.. I just can't. "

If we just got another chance, or if I could just redo everything. I just can't stop wishing, dreaming… when will it stop. Will he ever be mine again? I wish… :(

Sinking ship

I feel like my life is falling apart. I can't study, I can't think, I can't concentrate.
The worst is I can't eat or sleep properly. When I'm dreaming and waking up feeling mega lonely and reality then hits me.

No cuddly loving boyfriend. Just me against the world. Yes, reality hasn't really 100% hit me yet. I need to get over him but all I can think of is he coming back to me. Waiting for him to write…

I know it's unhealthy but I just can't help it. I have mega exams coming up and I haven't began studying yet. All I do is stay at home crying and listening to sad songs. I can't even watch series yet since it reminds me of what we used to do a lot together. So basically everything reminds me of him. Everything sucks.

He doesn't care for me anymore. He only lies about it but then I still want him. Despite how cold he has been pushing me away makes me want to fight more… what am I doing?? …